Lounging

It has been a busy week or two, although nothing has happened related to the context of this blog. Regardless of this, I shall talk anyway.

College is busy, and the workload is already getting quite strong. Got a solo performance a week tomorrow, and two or three more concerts, plus a fair bit of freelance work, playing the organ/piano, and a couple of live sound gigs.

Got a couple of good ideas for pieces of sound art. One is an 8-channel surround piece, all based on the concept of there being too much noise in the world today. I'll keep you up to date on how that goes.

Again, not too much else of interest has been happening. Saw Greg Holden and Katie Costello, who are both FANTASTIC, live here in Glasgow last night with a friend, at a gig with only about 20 people there so it was pretty intimate. I also bought the Steps Ultimate Collection on iTunes and a whole host of DVDs:

Ice Age 3

Harpoon: The Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre

Sliding Doors

Bride Wars

Alfie (Jude Law remake)

The Nightmare before Christmas

Planet of the Apes

Puppetry of the Penis (hilarious live show)

Getting pissed off (probably part 1 of many)

Now, this is another case of my using this blog as a platform to rant.

I don't know what it is, but over the last couple of months, I've been getting more and more angry about things. Not like "grrrr" kind of angry, but like "I want to smash peoples' faces in" kind of angry, and I don't really know why.

It ranges from mundane things to entire governments, and so I'll give a couple examples here of what has made me really angry this week (in no particular order).

1) The BBC. Now, I love the BBC. Their output is without a doubt the best quality in the world. With the exception of CNN and AlJazeera, no other television company has an output stretched so vastly across the world. However, the stupid people at home are fed up that the BBC isn't showing hours and hours of reality television and 'game' shows, like all of the shitty networks like Channel 4, five, and Bravo are. Thus, they object to paying the licence fee (around £0.50) a day. This pays for 9 TV channels without adverts, an advert free online catch-up platform, a fantastic news and weather organisation, 6 nationwide radio stations plus at least 15 digital and local stations, free phone apps, free live events, at least 5 full orchestras and a choir, a research department that gave us recorded TV, live international broadcasts and interactive TV, important learning resources online and elsewhere, not to mention the commercial arm of the BBC which produces some of the highest quality media tie-in stuff you'll ever find (books, magazines etc.).

Anyway, that 50p a day is too much for people, and so the BBC is being forced to cut back it's operation by 20%. That means, shitloads less new television, more repeats, smaller budgets, 2000 job losses over the next few years, not to mention more cheap commercial outsourcing, which'll make the BBC more like a private sector organisation every single day.

Also, I'm pissed off at them because I tried to watch the last episode of "Doctor Who Confidential" on the iPlayer only to find it's only available in HD, which my iPhone tethered internet connection can't handle. ie. unless I pay fuckloads for a huge internet connection, I can't watch the stuff other people can. Cheers for the public service BBC.

Enough of that, I'm making this article much longer than was needed.

Briefly then, I'm pissed off at my flat mate, as out of the whole day, every time he referred to me, he used my old name and gender pronoun. Not that I have a huge problem with this, my problem is that he does not acknowledge that he's done it. I'll usually answer with a "who?" or sometimes just a glare, but then I get the response of "Well I've done it now, I'm not going to correct myself, I know I did it."

I think he probably thinks that as there are still people who know the old me, it shouldn't offend me if he doesn't try and at least get my gender correct.

Slowly reaching the point of wanting to smash everything up and go and die in a hole somewhere. Metaphorically... for now.

Tommy Smith

Not related to anything, but this is fantastic. Great sax player. *Insert name-dropping*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5q6Ctg7coQ

Jewellery purchase

I spent too much money yesterday.

Also bought another gorgeous necklace but couldn't find a picture of it.

On a similar note, I REALLY want these:

http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/seasonal-trends/pull-on-suede-boot_230286961

NEGLECT! also television

Well... this is going well.

I've made one post and already left it ages without actually writing anything. It's been busy, and every night I lie in bed and think, "I'll write a post now." Unfortunately, I always fall asleep before writing a single word. Then I'll wake up the next morning with an open laptop next to me and a dead battery. Clever. I have an awful bedtime routine. I'll crawl into bed and do my daily TV and radio catch-up on the iPlayer. 2-3 hours later, open Blogger and fall asleep.

Anyway, today I started thinking about television and television habits. I find that I can switch pretty easily between myself and my 'boy mode', and when I do that, lots about me changes. In boy mode, I become a really offensive person, I shout, swear, insult people, and generally become a complete arsehole. Why? I do not know, yet I can't seem to stop that. I'll be quite brash and act for all intents and purposes masculine.

I don't know how it happens, but it's a bit odd. I can 'slip-up' sometimes if I'm acting like that though, especially if sitting with a group of women, or strangely, camp/gay men. Odd.

AHH, getting distracted from the point. =] I wanted to talk about television habits and how they're interesting. If I've had a day filled with aggression, alcohol, and generally being around 'the guys', I'll want to come home and watch stuff like "Traffic Cops", sci-fi, all that kind of stuff, yet if I've been calm all day, been relaxing, without stress, I'll be like "SNOG MARRY AVOID!". ie. all the trashy stuff. Hmm.

Anyway, this was another rambling, no point or purpose. See you soon.

Alison x

Introductory Post

All blogs need one of these, so here is mine.

I'm not really a blog person, but I read a friend's friend's blog, and found it very interesting. He is an FtM guy and had some interesting posts and things to say. Thus, I decided to feed my own ego a little bit and start my own, except it's in reverse.

My name is Alison, and I live in Scotland. Bit dreary, quite a politically liberal country, although outside of the main cities people are quite conservatively minded. I grew up as a bit of a geeky male, interested in transport, sci-fi, knowledge, and of course unobtainable women.

Over the last year or so, I've been coming to terms with my gender. I've reached the conclusion that I want to do something about it, perhaps not full surgery, but at least to transition and live as a woman. The problem is that I am currently studying a degree in music, and the 'world' I live in is so small and dangerously traditional. I make a fair bit of money, mostly from the odd live-sound or backstage job, and churches, as a pianist (I have a 0.5 salaried position), stand-in organist, and various other things related to churches and music. I'm extremely anti-religious however, and the more I think about transition, the more I start panicking about my existing contacts, work, and all that stuff. The people I work for are generally anti-LGBT and I don't think I'd keep any of my current regular gigs if I appeared as my true gender.

So far, I've come out to about 5 people about my future transition, and the next step is to actually do something about it. 3 options:

1) NHS. Probably the best option, seeing as it would cost me practically nothing. The problems are that waiting lists are long and there's a high chance of having to go through 6 months of RLT BEFORE even being prescribed hormones. It'll take fucking years.

2) Private. Downside is that it would cost an absolute fortune and I don't really have that kind of money. Could get the ball rolling easily though, but I would have to scrimp and save everywhere else and I need money for my studies, for music, equipment, etc.

3) Illegally. Not too difficult to do, but there are a lot of health risks. Probably not the one for me, as I'm not one of those girls that is like "CUT THIS OFF OR KILL ME NOW!". But, if the NHS are being completely useless about it time-wise, maybe a short term solution while NHS stuff is being sorted out?

Anyway, enough about all of this. I realise, looking back at it, that I haven't actually done a good introduction at all. I might try and write a take-two tomorrow.

Until then, Ciao!

Alison xx